At the age
of eleven, I wade 140 pounds. I was 4 foot and kids were cruel. That summer I gained almost fifty pounds. When I began to
notice how much I wade was when I was sitting in class and the prettiest girl in school (jaliza) wrote fat ass on my desk.
I went on with my day as usual, playing with my friends. I acted as nothing happened. I thought it would go away. The rest
of the moth was fine. I hung around with my popular friends.
In November I was on the phone with my best friend (Melissa). She thought it would be funny to put me on three way
with out me knowing. I said something about my personal life and the next day everyone at school new about it. I began to
realize that I really was the center of attention but not in a good way.
That night I came
home and my older sister Jean was sitting in her room crying. My mother told me to sit in the living room and wait to be spoken
to. I waited 10 minuets. My mother came down. Her face was all red and her eyes were puffy. Tears were flowing from her face.
She sat beside me carefully. She placed her right hand on my neck. I embraced my mothers hug. She called jean down. Mother
pulled jeans sleeve up and her arms were all sliced from self mutilation.
The next few months my father was always at work
and my mother was always busy with jean. School was my only escape from my home night mares. Although school was just begging
to be another nightmare. Recently the girls at school kept putting me down. Soon I only had my two best friends (Nora) and
(Michelle). I kept fighting with (Melissa) at recess and on the phone. I became
a home bug. I never left my room.
The next month my sister tried to commit suicide
but failed. I remember running to the washroom and placing the scissors on my skin but I couldn’t bring my self to cutting
my self. Later on that night my mother told me that my sister had a mental disability called bipolar.
To months later at school the girls in my class
trapped me against a brick wall and showed me letters. The letters said rude things about each one of the girls and things
about who I liked. One girl slapped me and another dragged me buy my hair calling me fatass and bitch. I could feel my hair
slowly ripping from my head. The sensation reminded me of my sister in a strange way. I became so ridiculed at school for
something I had nothing to do with, that I became anorexic.
I stopped
eating breakfast first. . I kept telling my self as long as I eat just a little
bit I will become thin. I wanted to be liked again. I new I was beautiful but I was just a fat mess. End of school came then
I was still unhappy at home because of the emotional surrounding me. I entered grade 7 at a new school ware I only new some
girls that when to me previous school. I made friends fast with all the girls no one else liked. I was still being called
name to my face by my friends and I still had my eating problems. All I wanted was to be liked and become popular all over
again. Skipping breakfast wasn’t working for me, so I began to skip lunch as well. That year I lost only 30 pounds.
The next
year was grade 8. I made friends with the popular friends who are still my friends to this day. I became best friends with
the head girl named (Samantha). She got kicks playing with my old friends emotions. I wanted to fit in so I started to fallow
her. soon I was as ugly inside as I was inside.
I remember
when I kicked a girl in the stomach with volleyball repeatedly because she was a whore who got pregnant. We tormented her
for that whole year. I started to rebel from home. I started growing to parties and coming home drunk. My parents never noticed.
They were to busy with there own life. I still close my eyes and place my self in that old life.
When
I turned 14 I was in grade 9. I my first crush on a boy named Justin. He didn’t much attention to me, until I discovered
I was funny. I started being wiled and making him laugh. I left Samantha’s group and made my own. It consisted of Stephanie,
Noor, Vanessa, Belinda, Winnie and Chelsea. We were all equal. I began to stop liking Belinda because she seemed very two
face. I soon realized she was when she tried to kick me out of the group. Instead of letting her walk over me. I stood up
for my self. I realized I was stronger then I thought. Everything went smoothly after we made up and school was grate. The
I stopped swimming. Vanessa talked me to the floor and lifted up my pants. She was terrified from what she saw. I had become
my sister. I had been so depressed that I had become a cutter. They weren’t just petty cuts. Each one stood for something.
My legs were so raw that I couldn’t go in the water. I was shy from what she saw. I just wanted too run and hide
Vanessa
towered over me and was ten times stronger then me. she picked me up and made me go to the guidance
office. I started talking to a social worker. Then I stopped cutting and everything was fine. Well everyone thought so.
In grade 10 I stopped eating everything but half of my dinner. I lost almost all my fat. I only wade 90 pounds. Soon
I became very week. I hated the way I looked. I started cutting my legs again and even my arms. I started puking and starving.
Long hours of sleep became a habit. Anything helped me forget.
One day
my sister saw my cuts so my mother took my to a clinic wear I started seeing a psychiatrist once a week. Soon I was put threw
medication (Prozac). In the summer I stopped taking it. I began slowly but steadily doing better.
I am in grade eleven now and I haven’t relapsed. I way 100 pounds and I still have the odd depressed felling.
The point of telling my story is that you could be the best looking girl or boy and still be hated on. It’s not your
fault and its not you that did wrong. It the old saying kids can be mean and once we all understand that, our life’s
can get better. Don’t let the children rule how you feel about you self. If only I told my parent everything, I could
have been happy all along.
